Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
