He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just gargled with NyQuil
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
