Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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