Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
