6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
