You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
