i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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