Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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