i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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