The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we're so committed to being not committed
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