Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
