this just has baby written all over it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
