i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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