i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
