I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
