im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
