her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize