there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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