I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
