I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
