According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
