My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my shit smells like andre
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
