I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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