I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
