Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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