My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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