I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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