Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
