We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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