i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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