I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
