You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
