The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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