Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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