That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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