Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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