i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
