Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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