Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
