Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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