ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
