You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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