She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
