How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
