I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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