When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
