There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
