Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
