yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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