DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
