And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
