My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
