I looked at my own cervix.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
