I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize