Swine flu. Run for my life!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
