i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
