i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
