At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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