Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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