her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
