put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
