I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
