Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
