You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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