If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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