so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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