look no pants
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize