Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
