this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
