wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
