physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize