An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
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